Bend and not Break

Try to understand there's an old mistake
that fools will make and,
I'm the king of them
pushing everything that's good away so,
Won't you hold me now?

I hate myself. I know I am getting so paranoid again. Why am I always like this? Why is it that every time I love somebody, always follows that I will lose them sooner or later. Yeah I know, I am not new in this position. I had this a lot of times before, but damn shit, I still don't know how to handle this. My feelings just kill me.

I had a conversation with TJ, his my virtual Bf. As in Bestfriend/Boyfriend. Yes, that's our relationship as far as I know. Am i presumptuous? Kinda. We have been in this kind or relationship for two years now. At first we were just text mates, them call mates, (we do everything virtually) and then chat mate. We never had the time to meet each other co'z every time his going to Manila (his living in Baguio), I am not available.

This past few weeks, I seldom heard from him, he even forgot to greet me on my birthday. I was so bothered because his not texting or calling or even going online. And then last two nights ago, he popped-up on my messenger. We started chatting, asking him what happened to him. I was so calm talking to him even though I am so disappointed to his reasons. Then, the inquiry that made me realized everything...