Job Offer: COLBOI

After a month since my graduation, I have been trying a lot to find a job which will make me productive enough. Sabi ko sa sarili ko before, I will give myself ample time to rest a bit kasi sabi ng isang professor ko dapat daw I should enjoy my self first before entering the real world of employment. But then after two weeks of feeling bum and a certified couch potato, I felt bored and decided to work already... Kaya ayun n nga ang ginawa ko.

I have my resources to find a suitable job kahit na medyo confuse pa ko on what industry to pursue. But then I asked myself kung ano ba yung kelangan ko.. industry experience or monetary compensation and the latter prevails. Finding a job which will match to your scholastic degree is really hard to do now since there is a recession and the job arena is kinda saturated. Actually, I really wanna go to an advertising industry since I have this big dream of joining a creative team which handles advertising works, probably a copy writer would be ok with me. Pero I failed to find one, most of the companies need an experience one and some would not give proper salary. So i tried my luck and go for my next option which is a BPO industry or the famous call center.

Then I landed to Aegis PeopleSupport which is base in Makati City. Dapat talaga sa Alabang lang ako hanap para mas malapit but upon thinking of it, mas pratical kung sa Makati ako kahit malayo. The reason is because the opportunity there is broader than in Alabang, mas madami ako makikilala tao and malay natin in the future, may mahanap din akong agency for my advertising career. I am confident that I can have a job in a call center at ganun na nga ang nangyare... And now, I am starting my training there. of course my shift is graveyard kahit na training pa lang kasi yung account na na assign sakin is urgently needing new agents. It is a travel account for a Canadian base company. Within two days of training, I have learned a lot already and met new people (kahit na yung iba hindi ko gusto.

That is for now... I will be posting more of my new career in PS in my next few blogs. Sana lang din, dito ko matagpuan yung taong magpapasaya na sa madilim at malungkot kong buhay... pero di pa din ako aasa.. sa ngayun focus muna sa career talaga. hehehe.

helo or hi or watever

XTIAN


"its been a while since nag usap tayo and nag iisip isip ako...

madami akong tanong sayo pero di ko masabi.. naguguluhan din ako, actually naguguluhan ako sayo.

alam ko youre in the moment of your life na mhirap coz of your current break up with your gf, i know that you still love her. i know that and i dont want to make it hard for you kaya nanahimik ako.

gusto kita raimus, as in alot. pero di ko alam kung gusto mo din ako. i know i am not perfect, for one, i am not a girl. but i am somebody who is ready to love you, honestly whole heartedly and unconditionally. just let me.

pero ayoko ipilit sarili ko sayo. alam ko nakukulitan ka na din sakin. hindi ko alam kung TH b ko, pero i felt a connection with you in the last instances that we are together. di ko alam kung tama b o mali.

i am not expecting a reply from this message. but if you will do so, thank you. kung hindi, maybe that would be the right time for me to move on and let my heart beat for somebody else. i want to be love now, and i hope by you. pero kung hindi talaga pede, maybe i deserve somebody else. just always remember that i had happy times nung mga panahon na kasama kita. thank you. and take care of your self. be happy."

RAIMUS

"thx for understanding, ryt now im still trying to move on, pero im doing good naman eh,"

XTIAN again

"hmm... tama ka. hindi mo p kaya sabihin talaga ngayun.. coz youre still in love with her. i am willing to wait.. sana worth it yung patience ko. pero rai, sana wag matagal kasi baka may ibang dumating. ikaw talaga gusto ko. pero kung ayaw mo sakin wala ako magagwa.

maghihintay ako hanggang sabihin mo n yung dapat mong sabihin. pero sana sa panahon n yun... mahal p din kita.

for now. i keep my silence and let you heal. pero hindi n ko aasa sayo."


TANGA BA KO O TALAGANG MAHAL KO LANG TALAGA SIYA... AYOKO SIYA IWAN SA MGA PANAHON NA TO... PERO SIYA NAGTUTULAK SAKIN PALAYO...

I met raimus last year when I am with my college frends in Baclaran. (galing kami sa Makati to look for a company for our OJT)Biglang dumaan tong lalaking guwapo na medyo chubby (na most of the time i like), then out of my shock, kilala siya ng mga friends ko, apparently, they were classmates way back in high school. Then ayun, kamustahan sila... ako deadma lang... pero nakatingin ako sa kanya and he was looking back to me as well. I got his number from my friends then txted him but unfortunately, he has a girlfriend at that time so he actually rejected me at once though i know that he is PLU (people like us). Ok. Deadma. Comatose ako sa kanya.

three months later...
AMPUTA, biglang tumunog cellphone ko! Number na hindi ko kilala... "hu u??"... "raimus to, yung frend ni cams"... OMG! WTF! TMTH! what on earth?? and then we texted... we met again in cams place... for a couple of times... i flirted.. he flirted back but he still has his chakaness GF at that time...

AT ayun na nga... isang araw... umagang umaga... CHAT sa YM...

"BREAK na KAMI".

Updates. In a nutshell.

One important thing which happened these past months is my GRADUATION! Yes, finally, pagkatapos ng anim na taon, (one in UPD, one in PUP and Four in DLSU-D) masasabi ko n din n degree holder ako. But i dont know what happened to me during my commencement exercise day.. para kasing it's just any other day to me. Peculiar indeed. Pagkatapos ng hirap at sarap nkuha ko na din yung pinakakaasam asam kong diploma. Maybe coz, I know that this is just the beginning of everything and in fact, I am starting a new chapter of my chronicles.




Ok. So that is one big event for me. I had a graduation celebration at my house after my Baccalaureate mass which my friends and classmates attended to. Yun nga lang, the people which I would gladly want to see at that momentous event din not come for their own personal irrational reasons. HMP!

So kelangan icelebrate ang kaganapang ito at hindi ako pumayag na ganun ganun na lang. Since my ate carol just went back from her work abroad, she wants to go to Baguio. So together with our uncle's family, we drove to Baguio City and stayed their for one night. Kahit bitin yung gala namin ayus lang kasi naikot naman lahat those beautiful sites that place can offer. We had a bonding din with my cousins, of course with liquor on the table. hehehe. At syempre, hindi naman ako papatalo sa kanila kahit puro barako sila. heheheheh



And so what's the next event!??? Of course, my block mates' Puerto Galera Trip! Ayun nga. Kahit super planned na, konti pa din kaming sumama. We were eleven who moved our asses and head towards the White Beach of Galera. It was my first time to go to that place. And DAMN! it was majestic. I know that the place is quiet enticing and fantabulous. But upon seeing the whole place i was vividly amazed with the scenes. We stayed there for three days and two nights. Bitin p din kahit ganun. I just enjoyed the sun, the beach and the BOYS! joke! wala no! behave kaya ako dun... kahit na niyaya ako ng gay frend ko sa Jurassic Park, deadma lang ako! hahaha.. maybe next time! (waH!) Madaming nice pics na kinuha ko dun with my friends as my subject pero nasa multiply account ko. Just check it out. Here are some pictures.





Ayan, after that Galera trip, here I am again trying to figure out what to do next in my life. I am currently looking for a job. Hope to find one soon.

Two Months of Nothingness

Yes. I am blogging again after two months of keeping my silence and trying to hide all the mysteries which are happening to me over these two months. Here I am again thinking of things which I don't usually do. Randomness. Is this a sign of officially being unemployed? Of being a BUMMER. Waahh...!!!??

Anyways, in spite of the fact that I am not busy nowadays, and practically doing nothing; one thing which made me finally decide to write again is the reality of continuing this chronicle. And I want to make it commercial now. OOPS! I am not advertising this blog but I just want to communicate to other bloggers out there and probably meet new friends. And yes, I will come out now. This is my personal diary now and I will detail all the things which are happening to my life now as well as the dark past which made me like this.

And DUH! For now, I will use my native tongue in writing. Hindi ko kasi ma express maigi ang sarili ko sa English. Hindi naman sa masyado akong "trying hard" mag english, pero dati gusto ko yun ang gamitin para mas maigsi. But now, I will mixed it up with Filipino words.

Retreat

Last two days ago I had my retreat in Batangas. Since I was graduating, this one is so much memorable coz it is the last time that I will have this solemn moment with my classmates and friends. But this post is not about that "retreat". I dont wanna make that one a special event because it did not actually help me or should I say, I was not cleansed at all. I am still the same sinner. I am still the rag which I was before.

What I mean by retreat is my withdrawal from the battle. I dont want to fight anymore with this life. I was 12 when I became suicidal and until now, I am still in that thinking. Many people would say I was such and idiot to do that. But they dont really understand me. They dont know anything about my past. The hardship that I am struggling to escape. Of being a gay and of being alone and hopeless.

A classmate told me something which made me feel more insecure about my self. That most of the people in my school hated me. My school is a little huge and with the four years that I have stayed there, I met lots of people. But to find out that I was popular for being a sarcastic air-headed insecure gay-bitch, is an awe. I was about to cry when I heard about that. It really broke my heart, it jolted my system, my sanity. AM I THAT MEAN TO BE PERCEIVED like that? They dont even know me. But yes, that is exactly the point, they dont know me and that is just their impression.

I dont want to continue this post anymore. I need to collect my self first. I want to be vanish again. I want to escape.

UPDATES. Randomness

Since the year came, I was so lazy to blog and I don't know what's blocking me to write and share my crazy thoughts in this page. Maybe because I don't want to say anything out loud and just keep it inside my system. Yes! I am becoming to be more MASOCHIST. I want to accumulate all the hang ups and pain inside me and just continue to be so damn pitiful to myself. But for the sake of moving on in this fucking life I have, these are the updates (boring updates)...

.... I had a terrible tour (which was postponed for a while) in Pangasinan. 3 days of a hell life living in a place which you can just trade of living in hell. I don't want to detail about that anymore. I HATE that tour!

.... I am so busy (or should I say trying to get busy) with my school works. Many deadlines and exams. But at least in a matter of a month now, this will all be gone and a new chapter will be turn.

.... I had a fight with my father. How I wish he wasn't my father. ( I will detail this soon)

.... My sister's package arrived already after three long waiting months. I have my Chuck Taylor and Shisha there. Love it!

.... I feel completely blank this past few days or weeks. I feel so alone. I feel tired of being sole. hayss...

.... Nothing more I think.

I told you it was hell boring. My life is hopeless. All I want to do right now is disappear.

I am LOST.

Its 2009 now and in a matter of three months, at least, I will be getting my diploma for my degree. Yes, it is very nice to hear that I will, finally after the rocky road which I had gone through, taste the sweetness of being a college graduate.

But wait,is it really the most awaited finale of my life or it is just the beginning of a more challenging, mind-boggling and hormones-raging chapter of this f*ckin life I have. Recently, I was trying to figure out the right thing for me to do after I graduate. The path that I should take. Actually, my degree is kinda flexible with regards to employment and I am confident of my credentials and my potentials as a professional, but the thing is, I have this predicament of taking the more healthy opportunity to work abroad or stay here in Pinas with a not-so competent salary.

Maybe, people would say that this situation is just a piece of cake. They would say that definitely I should take my chances in foreign land because of the greener pasture. But you know what makes this situation complex, going abroad would also make me leave my parents alone here. My two older sisters had been working in other countries for quiet some time now and for the past four years, my parents and I were the one staying in our house. Its sad. Its quiet. Its boring. Most of the time I am in my school but that is a different story if I will be gone to other countries.

I asked my two sisters about my issue and they both agreed that I ought to stay for a while with my parents. It would be really difficult for my parents if all of their loving children will be away from them. I tackle this also to my mom and she agreed with my sisters but she also gave me the prerogative to make the final decision. hays...

I still have three months to think about this. And I really hope that I will make the better decision.