Just Kill Me

This past few weeks have been such a busy one for me (or I am just making it so complicated). Many things happened, and for so many reasons, I am down again. I am concealing again the pain and hatred which I have inside of me. I wanna die now. I wanna end this once and for all. But I don't have the strength to stop my journey. This damn journey!

There is no reason for me to be happy. (Am i just too insecure and envious or this is the right feeling)

Christmas is just around the corner. The Holidays as they say. The right season to be happy. The cold breeze which makes people feel the true spirit of giving and loving. And then me. Here. Alone. Tired. Pathetic. But I am still thinking, am I the only one feeling this. Do i deserved this?

I don't want to be so pitiful to myself. I know I am beginning to be so melodramatic again. But what should I do? I have alot of pressures now. Many things to accomplish. I should be responsible. I need to be productive. But how would I do this if I am so fuckin down...

BOTTOMLINE: I need some motivation.

Or just kill me.

I am tired of uttering "Im tired!"

YES! That is the statement of the week. I don't know how I reached that point. (Or am I?)I am tired of everything. Tired of thinking what's ahead of my day tomorrow. Tired of losing my self. Tired of feeling hopeless. Tired of hypocrisy. Of concealing. Of running. I am tired. And I don't know how to stop.

I NEED TO QUENCH.

I NEED SOMEONE TO PAMPER ME. (Do I?)

I NEED TO EXHAUST.

I NEED TO GET OUT OF THIS LONELINESS. AND I REALLY NEED TO. BUT HOW?

Someday is a misused word already. I need it now. Right now.